In yesterday’s blog entry we shared the first three common misundertandings of Bowen Family Systems Theory (BSFST). Here is Part 2 of yesterday’s “Systems Misunderstanding.”
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Few things escape the consequences of their own success. This axiom seems true even of Bowen Family Systems Theory. It seems that systems theory is now the “in” thing—never have there been as many courses offered, or more “experts” expounding on the matter. And a sure sign of its popularity is the rate of books being turned out that claim to have a “systems approach to” something or other. This is, overall, a good thing. The more the theory is propagated, the better, I say. But one consequence of the theory’s lightning fast dissemination is the risk of misunderstandings—like in a global game of that old parlor game, “telegraph.” What goes in one ear at one end may come out as something completely different at the other—the message lost in translation as it is passed from one person to another.
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Most of us carry a little tape in our heads of things our mothers said repeatedly. And sometimes we repeat those things, often unintentionally mimicking mom’s voice. One of those things your mother probably said, especially if you had siblings, or, when little friends came over to play was, “Play fair!” But you likely remember what your mother also said on those occasions you protested “It’s not fair!” She likely quipped, as countless mothers have through the ages, “Life’s not fair.” (And, if your mother was like mine, she may have added, “Get over it.”).
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A reader on Margaret Marcuson’s blog, The Leadership Circle blog, asked a good question that comes up every now and again. He asked about the difference between having a will and willfulness. It’s a point of misunderstanding I hear now and again, namely, that having a will is equivalent to willfulness, or, that because “willfulness is bad” then “will,” or exhibiting that one has a will, is bad.
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I was gratified to read a fine article by Margaret “Meg” Hess in the current issue of the Christian Century magazine. Meg is a participant in the Leadership in Ministry Workshops (LIM) and has written a couple of articles for our LIM newsletter.
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Last week I had two interesting conversations with familiar strangers. These were those people that we have become comfortable around because of propinquity yet don’t really know. You know them, people at work we see every day but only say “Hi” and “See your tomorrow.” Or, those people at church we greet every week because they sit near our pew to whom we’ve passed the peace but could not tell the names of their children or what they do for a living if asked.
As often happens, those familiar strangers can turn out to be very interesting people with life stories that verge on the adventuresome. Such was the case with my two conversations. Both left me saying to myself, “Wow. You never know.”
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I was a hospice chaplain for about five years. It was a great job, despite the obvious need to redefine professional competence and success that comes with the territory. Nothing I was able to do would help the patient “get better.” And every one of our patients died. Over six hundred patients died under my ministry. That’s not something I put on the resume.
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