Rick has been asking systems questions again lately. It may be time to start another compilation…
< <...If people only end up with those at the same level of dos, how can a person work to find other who are at a similar or same level as themselves...>>
This is an intriguing topic. I’m not sure that it is always interpreted correctly. As with many concepts in Bowen Systems Theory, this one seems to be taken as determinative or prescriptive, rather than merely descriptive of human relationship dynamics. All that to say, merely because the vagaries and happenstance of propinquity means most of us will naturally find affinity with someone at our own level of differentiation, it doesn’t necessarily follow that we should make that a goal.
Perhaps a more accurate approach is to say that we TEND TO be attracted to persons at our own level of differentiation. One would hope that if that person is a life partner, that we will work mutually to help each other mature and become better differentiated over time. I believe one common cause of separation happens when one partner moves toward maturity and differentiation while the other remains “the same.”
I imagine it’s not too difficult to find another person at one’s level of differentiation. After all, like attracts like: health attracts health, and dysfunction attracts dysfunction. And, the law of propinquity means we will travel in contexts and networks with persons who are within our range of maturity, class, interests, and differentiation. If that fails, one can always use an online matching service–they seem to be pretty good at matching “like” and “complimentary,” perhaps including differentiation of self. Although one must be cautious when it comes to romance, as in itself falling in love with another means one abandons differentiation to some extent, at least for a while.
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