The Micromanaging Pitfall

Thomas had been leading his marketing team for just three months when complaints began to surface. His team members felt suffocated. Every email needed his approval before being sent. He insisted on attending every client call. Draft presentations required his review at each stage. Team meetings stretched for hours as Thomas questioned every detail of everyone’s work. Productivity plummeted, two talented team members resigned, and the department missed several critical deadlines. Thomas was falling into the micromanagement trap, and both he and his team were paying the price. Continue reading

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How To Tell if Trouble is Brewing

If there’s one thing a leader hates the most it may be getting caught by surprise—getting blindsided, waylaid, sideswiped, or caught unprepared. This pitfall sometimes happens because staff or subordinates tend to be hesitant about sharing “bad news” to their supervisors. But often, it’s because leaders miss the subtle signs of trouble brewing beneath the surface. They may overlook clues, or be too quick to dismiss cryptic messages. They may dismiss minor complaints or tensions as benign rather than recognizing them as indicators of deeper systemic anxiety that could escalate into full-blown conflict.

Leaders need to be able to “read the system” to see below the surface of mild rumblings which may or may not be worth paying attention to. Some griping is benign; some people just like to complain. Some complaints have nothing to do with what people are complaining about. But some signs can signal that conflict is on the horizon. Leaders ignore those to their peril.

The experience of anxiety in itself will not harm or endanger a system; people get anxious about a lot of things, and, the more they genuinely care about matters, the more anxious they can get. It is the response to anxiety that often determines outcomes. “How anxiety is addressed will determine the outcome more than anything else. Your responsible and enlightened behavior is the touchstone.” (Steinke, Uproar, pp. 13-14.)

Unfortunately, it is often the case that when anxiety turns into reactivity is the moment leaders can see the signs. If leaders can learn to read those signs of potential escalation, they can avoid being surprised when things bubble up to the surface to become a conflict.

Characteristics of reactivity

Anxiety is not imaginative, so reactivity can become a vicious cycle of intense predictable reactions of people in a system to events and to one another. Here are some common reactivity patterns and behaviors that can help identify when trouble is brewing.

Herding: a process through which the instinct for togetherness triumph over the capacity for individuality and thinking. This reactive posture moves everyone to adapt to the least mature persons in the system. 

Blame displacement: an emotional state in which members focus on perceived forces that have victimized them rather than taking responsibility for their own being, decisions, and destiny. This fosters a lack of agency and accountability.

A demand for a quick-fix: this is result of a low threshold for pain that constantly seeks symptom relief rather than fundamental change. “Uncertainty is the breeding ground of anxiety,” wrote Joseph Ledoux. Relieving immediate anxieties about uncertainties makes people feel good, but it does not address the fundamental issues that require more responsible, long-term, and often costly solutions.

Lack of well-differentiated leadership: Edwin H. Friedman identified a leader’s failure of nerve as contributing significantly to acute and systemic crises. To reorient oneself away from a focus on technology toward a focus on emotional process, Friedman claimed, requires that we think in ways that not only are different from traditional responses to crises, but that also sometimes go in the opposite direction. (Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix).

Leaders can better anticipate crises by focusing on how the emotional process in the system gives hints that anxiety is at an acute stage, watching for patterns of automatic reactive responses, and moving toward addressing the issues that are brewing rather than ignoring them.

Israel Galindo is Coordinator of the Leadership in Ministry program of the Center for Lifelong Learning at Columbia Theological Seminary.

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Seven Moral Imperatives of Bowen Family Systems Theory

A moral imperative is a principle or duty that one feels compelled to follow based on ethical reasoning. It represents an obligation to act in a certain way because it is morally right, regardless of personal convenience or consequences.

This aligns with one fundamental function of differentiation of self, choosing to do what one believes or knows to be right rather that allowing oneself to respond in reactivity based on momentary or baser feelings, or to be taken over by one’s emotions.

Several threads move through these seven imperatives. They include the importance of respecting individual agency, the significance of relationship systems, the necessity of maintaining healthy boundaries, and the importance of personal responsibility. Continue reading

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Taking a Stand

I thought this was a nicely written piece by Brene’ Brown on Speaking Truth to Bullshit. While the CONTENT is on guns-rights-control—debate, it is the treatment on emotionality, non-critical thinking (ideologies), projection, and b.s. which I find helpful. Substitute the content issue of “guns” with any other issue and the message holds.

From a systems theory perspective, a good treatment on reactivity, how emotions hijack principled thinking, and on not falling into the danger of an unreasonable faith in reasonableness.

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Good lessons here on teaching

https://www.christiancentury.org/article/how-i-teach-theology-undergrads

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Good lessons here on curriculum design

https://www.faithandleadership.com/mats-selen-physics-change?utm_source=NI_newsletter&utm_medium=content&utm_campaign=NI_feature

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Triangle games

The concept of the emotional triangle often is referred to as the “building block” for emotional process dynamics in relationship systems (families, churches, organizations, etc.). Dual relationships (one on one) are difficult to maintain so it does not take long for a triangle to develop. A triangle is made up of any three persons in a relationship, or two persons and an issue. Triangles are not only the way we tend to default in our relationships (dual relationships are impossible to maintain) but they are also the most effective (if not always the most efficient) way we have for handling interpersonal anxiety. However, getting into an anxious triangle is a sure way of tripping and stumbling into something that can get us stuck. Continue reading

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Phrases You Should Never Use Around Church Members

We all have that painful memory of a moment when our emotions got the better of us during a moment of reactivity. As soon as we said those words we regretted them, or, if not immediately, then eventually, as the full brunt of the consequences of impulsivity and lack of self control came around to pay us back. Experience is a good teacher and along the way we may carry within us a mental list of things we should never say in the presence of certain others. Continue reading

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Your Mother Was Right: Life’s Not Fair

New post on the Perspectives on Congregational Leadership blog: “Your Mother Was Right: Life’s Not Fair (and sometimes you should not be).”

A reflection on trying to be fair in an anxious system.

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What makes for an effective leadership team?

Leadership, by its nature, is an isolating enterprise. And while leadership can be a lonely state of being, too many in leadership come to believe that a leader needs to stand apart, and sometimes to stand alone. But effective leadership in any systems is more about staying connected and making connections. . Continue reading

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