Speaking the truth in love

I’m revisiting some of the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Few have written better on the matter of community. I came across his thoughts on speaking the truth in love in community that I find timely. I’ll confess I remain perpetually puzzled at people’s inability to be frank with each other. I spent too many of my formative years growing up in New York City, where they didn’t mince words and more conversations than not tended to be delivered with an in-your-face attitude. I find Bonhoeffer’s words worth considering.

Where Christians live together the time must inevitably come when in some crisis one person will have to declare God’s Word and will to another. It is inconceivable that the things that are of utmost importance to each individual should not be spoken by one another. It is unchristian consciously to deprive another of the one decisive service we can render to him. If we cannot bring ourselves to utter it, we shall have to ask ourselves whether we are not still seeing our brother garbed in his human dignity which we are afraid to tough, and thus forgetting the most important thing, that he, took, no matter how old or highly placed or distinguished he may be, is still a man like us, a sinner in crying need of God’s grace. He has the same great necessities that we have, and needs help, encouragement, and forgiveness as we do.

He concludes:

Why should we be afraid of one another, since both of us have only God to fear? Why should we think that our brother would not understand us, when we understood very well what was meant when someone spoke God’s comfort or God’s admonition to us, perhaps in words that were halting and unskilled? Or do we think there is not a single person in this world that does not need either encouragement or admonition? Why, then, has God bestowed Christian brotherhood upon us?

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Israel Galindo is Professor and Associate Dean for Lifelong Learning at Columbia Theological Seminary.
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2 Responses to Speaking the truth in love

  1. Van says:

    So where does Bonhoeffer’s thoughts take you? How do they change you? Where do they connect you to scripture? Van

  2. Thanks for the challenge to continue the conversation, Van. Hope you’ll share your own thoughts.

    The points where this passage connected with me are related to experiences over the past several months, in several contexts:

    For example, my May term class was a teaching practicum. Students were required to teach a lesson for which they were assessed and graded for their performance.. Early in the course I needed to help students discern that there’s a difference between critique and criticism. So many of them could not handle being critiqued, or offer critique, because they either experienced it as criticism, or they were afraid of being perceived as “critical.” But the nature of learning in that context required receiving honest critique about one’s performance.

    Another instance had to do with naming bad behavior as such. No system is helped when folks who act irresponsibly or badly are not held accountable for their poor behavior. I don’t understand people’s hesitancy to do so, especially leaders. You don’t have to question people’s motives for behaving badly, you just have to name it. Even my sons were able to tell folks “You’re acting like a jerk. Stop it,” when they were in their teens. I’m puzzled that adults can’t tell other adults, “You are behaving irresponsibly. Cut it out.”

    Speaking honestly to one another is, as Bonhoeffer hints, a form of grace. That honestly is a dimension of intimacy that builds and sustains community. We are all the poorer when we withhold it. Paul, of course, provides the corrective of speaking the truth in love.People love to talk about community, not too many seem willing to do what it takes to foster it.

    Your thoughts?

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