I’m not a morning person, and, I’m a glass-half-full kind of person. I long for Lent, a season that fits my demeanor best. Perky bubbly morning persons drive me crazy. Lately I seem to be surrounded by them and their kin. To my morning sunshine friends I offer “The Cynics Guide to Life” as a corrective to a saccharine frame of mind with a plea to please, let me have my third cup of coffee before telling me all about your pet’s unique personality and fascinating interior life.
THE CYNICS GUIDE TO LIFE
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts…
Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.
If you don’t like my driving, don’t call anyone. Just take another road. That’s why the highway department made so many of them.
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers… and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.
It’s a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel…it’s cheaper than plastic surgery.
This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
Love is like a roller coaster: when it’s good you don’t want to get off, and when it isn’t… you can’t wait to throw up.
Thanks to Roland Wiederaenders of Clifton TX for the above.
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