A moral imperative is a principle or duty that one feels compelled to follow based on ethical reasoning. It represents an obligation to act in a certain way because it is morally right, regardless of personal convenience or consequences.
This aligns with one fundamental function of differentiation of self, choosing to do what one believes or knows to be right rather that allowing oneself to respond in reactivity based on momentary or baser feelings, or to be taken over by one’s emotions.
Several threads move through these seven imperatives. They include the importance of respecting individual agency, the significance of relationship systems, the necessity of maintaining healthy boundaries, and the importance of personal responsibility.
1. The Imperative of Differentiation of Self
Moral Principle: Individuals have a responsibility to develop their own identity and emotional autonomy while maintaining connection with others.
Example: A young adult who moves out of their parents’ home not to rebel, but to establish their own values and beliefs while maintaining a loving relationship with family members demonstrates healthy differentiation. This may require anxious parents to “let go” of attachments borne out of anxiety. A “failure to launch” young adult children goes both ways.
2. The Imperative of Emotional Responsibility
Moral Principle: Each person must take responsibility for their own emotional functioning rather than blaming others or making others responsible for their feelings.
Example: There is not clearer sign of immaturity than the failure to take responsibility for oneself, and in turn, blaming others for one’s failings or mistakes, or even one’s lot in life. Instead of saying “You make me angry,” an emotionally responsible person says “I feel angry when this happens, and I need to manage my response.” Instead or raging against the cosmos (or “society” or “others”) about life’s challenges, a mature person recognizes their own responsibility for their fate and choose to act in ways to improve their life.
3. The Imperative of Managing Anxiety
Moral Principle: We have an ethical obligation to manage our own anxiety rather than spreading it through the family system or organization.
Example: An effective leader who experiences workplace stress chooses to process their anxiety through reflection and conversation with a coach or a support system rather than creating a climate of panic among staff members. A mature parent who is frustrated about their child’s behaviors will self-regulate and reflect on how their anxiety is probably more a projection onto the child from within than it may be about the child’s behavior.
4. The Imperative of Non-Triangulation
Moral Principle: To the best of our ability we should resist the temptation to triangle—bringing a third party into a two-person conflict to reduce anxiety—and instead address issues directly with the person involved.
Example: Few things may be as difficult as approaching someone one-on-one for a difficult conversation. It requires taking responsibility for ourselves, managing self, while holding someone accountable. When two colleagues have a disagreement, rather than complaining to a third coworker, a more mature behavior is meeting directly to resolve their differences. Triangling in a third party, whether individuals or a human resources office, rarely resolves an issue or improves a relationship.
5. The Imperative of Multigenerational Awareness
Moral Principle: We have a responsibility to understand how patterns from previous generations affect current functioning and to work toward breaking destructive cycles.
Example: A reflective parent recognizes that their tendency toward harsh discipline mirrors their own upbringing and consciously chooses different parenting approaches to break the cycle. A person with addiction tendencies can choose to be more responsible with substances understanding the addiction patterns in the family. A leader who perpetually finds themselves repeating ineffective ways of relating to others can gain insight by understanding their functioning in their family of origin, their birth order, and the family patterns that influenced their functioning.
6. The Imperative of Staying Connected During Conflict
Moral Principle: Maintaining emotional connection with others, especially during times of disagreement, is a moral obligation that prevents cutoff and promotes healthy relationships.
Example: Adult siblings who disagree about caring for an aging parent will function better by continuing to communicate respectfully and remain in relationship rather than cutting off contact. A pastoral leader will do better in not avoiding troubling or critical congregational members than distancing themselves, understanding that in most cases, criticism is a form or pursuit and whose source is more projection than fact-based.
7. The Imperative of Self-Regulation in Leadership
Moral Principle: Leaders have a special responsibility to remain calm, non-anxious, and well-differentiated, as their emotional functioning significantly impacts the entire system.
Example: A pastor facing congregational criticism maintains a non-reactive presence, continues to articulate clear vision, and stays emotionally connected to both supporters and critics. Leaders of any organization do not have the luxury of giving in to their emotions and acting out in reactivity. Others in the system can rant and throw a tantrum, but the day a leader does so, she or he ceases to be the leader.
The moral imperatives of Bowen Family Systems Theory call us to higher levels of personal responsibility, emotional maturity, and relational integrity. These principles apply across contexts—families, congregations, organizations—and represent not merely therapeutic techniques but ethical ways of being in relationship.
References:
Bowen, M. (1978). Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. New York: Jason Aronson.
Friedman, E. H. (2007). A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. New York: Seabury Books.
Friedman, E. H. (1985). Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue. New York: Guilford Press.
Kerr, M. E., & Bowen, M. (1988). Family Evaluation: An Approach Based on Bowen Theory. New York: W.W. Norton.
McGoldrick, M., Gerson, R., & Petry, S. (2008). Genograms: Assessment and Intervention (3rd ed.). New York: W.W. Norton.
Papero, D. V. (1990). Bowen Family Systems Theory. Boston: Allyn & Bacon.
Steinke, P. L. (2006). Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times: Being Calm and Courageous No Matter What. Herndon, VA: Alban Institute.
