Some things should be obvious, but often we require someone to point out the obvious to us. A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
“What’s the matter with me?” He asked. Continue reading
The “new middle age” is said to now start at 65. That’s good news for those of us this side of 50. It can portend that the best is yet to be. S. M. Hutchins, in Touchstone (June 2008) writes:
I have a hard time not laughing at 25-year-olds who are under the impression that they know enough to have become disillusioned and cynical—who mope around quoting Sartisms to whomever is unfortunate enough to be in listening range. This sort of person has been the butt of a good amount of humor over the years, and rightly so.
It doesn’t take much reflection, however, to see that the 80-year-old who thinks age gives him the right to the same attitude is in exactlyi the same boat.
Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST), provides what any good theory does, namely, a rigorous, tested frame of reference for interpreting observable phenomenon. It offers a language for categorizing objects and naming dynamics, and it explain what was formerly unexplainable. Theories help us move from naive explanations toward more spohisticated and nuanced explications. Because theories identify patterns and establish principles and rules related to phenomenon they can also be handy resources for prediction. Continue reading
Learning to take responsibility for our own feelings can be hard work. Our culture certainly doesn’t help given its propensity for encouraging a “victim” mentality. People seem to “take offense” readily at just about anything. And too many encourage that by acquiescing to that weak stance rather than challenge it. I remember a pastoral counseling session with a young lady who would respond to my observational and interpretive comments by saying, “You hurt my feelings when you say that.” When she said it the third time I responded, “I’m not responsible for your feelings.” She stopped using that phrase (one she’d learned to use in her family) and started listening differently after that. Continue reading
Over the past several months I’ve talked with various church staff about some money issues. One interesting aspect of these conversations is how they parallel. All of them involved a variation on: (1) a church member wanting to give money to, or fund, the staff person’s ministry area, (2) the offer of a personal gift of money to the staff member in appreciation, and (3) observations or questions about how different staff persons in the same church handle these situations. Continue reading
There has been a resurgence in clergy peer learning groups of late. A significant contribution to this has been the funding from the Lilly Foundation that has challenged and enabled denominations to bring about external impetus to the creation of clergy support groups. I’ve been a member of a peer learning support group for fifteen years. In fact, this GRACE (Greater Richmond Area Christian Educators) blog is one dimension of it. Continue reading
I’ve been working with a couple of organizations that are “stuck” but motivated enough to get moving toward becoming “healthier.” As I witness the process of working with the leaders and employees of both organizations I’m reminded of some fundamental truths about systems. First, while motivation is a necessary component for bringing about change, it’s not sufficient. For example, if the motivation is to simply ease acute anxiety or pain a system will settle on pragmatic “instant” solutions that will ease the symptoms. Continue reading
Emily Kittle Morrison presents a concise, yet comprehensive resource on the subject of leading a volunteer organization in her book Leadership Skills: Developing Volunteers for Organizational Success (Fisher Books, 1994). Morrison provides helpful instructions, practical tips, and valuable resources on fifteen different foci of volunteer leadership from time management and listening to conflict management and board skills. The book, more of a resource manual with pithy points and assessment tools, has an easy to read and approachable layout that will serve well its purpose. The book easily lends itself to a field resource guide and would likely work as a supplement to many areas of leadership and volunteer training. Morrison covers quite a bit of ground in Leadership Skills making this book a valuable asset for anyone associated with a volunteer organization. Continue reading
