Things that would cause me to walk out on worship

Due warning: this is a rant of uncommon impatience.

Now that I’m on the other side of the pulpit, in the pews as part of the congregation, I find that my impatience with “bad worship” has increased. This summer I got to visit a lot of different churches while traveling to do seminars, consultations, and workshops, often participating in Sunday worship. For the most part I’m able to set aside my critical brain and enjoy the existential experience of worship with a congregation. At times I’m pleasantly surprised by a well-crafted service and a thoughtful sermon. But there are times when I’m tempted to walk out of the worship service when inflicted upon by some of the things that go on during the sacred hour.

Song Leader Revolution

Let’s confess that there is a very personal dimension to the worship experience related to taste and predilections of style—whether in music, preaching, and physical contextual setting of the worship event. Here are some, admittedly personal, things in corporate worship that would cause me to walk out on the service (if my wife weren’t holding me down):

• Liturgical dance (I’ve got nothing against this art form per se, and I’ve seen one done well, but 99% of these are not. I witnessed one performed by a highschooler in a pink tutu–a performance that had nothing to do with the rest of the service that I could discern. There was nothing liturgical about it, and that it was “dance” was suspect.)
• Praise teams (If there ever was a justification for assault weapons…)
• Non-liturgical market-driven services (seeker-sensitive or contemporary worship—“Christian worship for pagans”)
• Developmentally inappropriate and pointless ten-minute children’s sermons (children should be incorporated and welcomed into corporate worship—but not insulted as a price for their participation)
• Praise choruses (I got it the first time, no need to repeat the silly metaphor 67 mindless times. And what’s with the swaying and swooning? Didn’t these people have breakfast before church?)
• Undue attention to “special guests and visitors” (It’s about God, people.)
• Observances of the sacraments (Lord’s Supper and Baptism) that are “tacked on” to the service (what are people replacing at the center of corporate worship in place of the ordinances?)
• Impromptu corporate prayers uttered in the first person and peppered with filler words like “just,” “Father,” “Lord,” “bless,” “I just ask that . . .” etc. (How about spending ten minutes thinking about and crafting a well-thought out theological prayer. And use the corporate “we” for the corporate prayers of the people)
• Preambles and mini-sermons preceding the Lord’s Supper over-explaining what it’s supposed to mean (We know what it means. Just do it!)
• Powerpoint sermons or projected lyrics, graphics, and text (Powerpoint belongs in the classroom (and sometimes, not), not in the worship event)
• Hymn-directing, arm-waving, smiley-toothed, coifed “worship leaders” ( I can pick up when to start singing and know enough to stop when the words run out)
• Sermons that begin with a “false start” due to the preacher’s nervousness (complimenting the choir, commenting on attendance, making a dumb joke, etc.)
• Evangelistic altar calls
• Forced corporate handholding and times of “passing the peace” that overly extend into chatty aisle conversations
• Sandals and flipflops worn by worship leaders—ministers, choir members, or lay leaders/readers (How about developing a sense of decorum for what is supposed to be a “holy” event?)
• Sermons that merely re-tell the Bible reading narrative (I was paying attention when you read the Bible narrative, now how about some hermeneutics and interpretation?)
• Theologically irresponsible sermons (fluffy, feel-good, “motivational,” happy-clappy “participatory,” therapeutic, and “metaphorical” sermons)
• The introduction of a newly-invented “tradition,” explained at length
• Youth-led worship services (I’ve got mixed feelings about these. Some are done well, with intention and authenticity reflective of the culture and faith community of which the youth belong)
• Gimmicks (props). Some people confuse kitsch with devotion.
• A lack of aesthetics (simple can be elegant).

Well, I warned you that this was a rant. For me the matter goes beyond the issue of taste or predilection. Corporate worship is formative—it shapes the faith of the congregation. Sadly, too often, Sunday morning corporate worship seems to be untheological, lacking in attention to an informed ecclesiology, fail to give attention to aesthetics, and are overly-individualistic if not personalized to the point of being a “show about somebody” rather than the worship of God.

But, I rant . . . . (and keep those cards and letters, this is rant).