Welcoming the Stranger

Can you recall a recent time in your life when you felt out of place or lost in a particular environment? We all have experienced this feeling in our lives. Perhaps, the last time you began a new job you had that “Gee, I feel out of control” feeling. A recent visit to a new doctor’s office or hospital might have stirred a “how do I get to where I’m going?” feeling. Finding what you need in an unfamiliar store may create a bit of frustration. Navigating your way around an unfamiliar city creates anxiety.

The same kinds of of feelings occur at church for newcomers. Churches often make the mistake of assuming that proper greetings and welcoming will naturally occur for persons visiting the church campus. After all, Christians are friendly people! And, surely someone is sensitive to the needs of our guests. But, unless the needs of guests are understood as every member’s concern, and proper steps are taken to welcome guests, many barriers will give guests and newcomers that “uneasy” feeling. And a tad too much uneasiness is the best medicine in the world to send someone looking for a more “user friendly” environment.

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The church must make every effort to walk in the shoes (and minds!) of its guests. What are they thinking and experiencing? A few years ago our family, while on vacation, visited a church. We arrived early–about twenty minutes before the worship service began. We found the church vestibule where two men were chatting. Each held a handful of worship guides. It was obvious that they were greeters. We approached them, standing just a few feet from them. At least thirty seconds passed before they acknowledged our presence. Have you ever stood three feet from someone for thirty seconds? It seems like such a short time, but its an eternity for the stranger! One of the men broke away from their intense conversation and said, “Oh, would you like a worship guide?” I wanted to respond with a sarcastic, “Well, why don’t you give us a minute to think about that,” but I didn’t. We entered the sanctuary with worship guides in hand and took our seats. A few minutes later two couples entered the sanctuary and sat on the pew directly behind us. For more than fifteen minutes they chatted about church. Not once did any of them speak to us.

Realtors tell us that the first few moments of a person’s approach and entrance into a home are critical. Decisions are often made within the first few minutes. Cut grass, trimmed bushes, exterior paint, neatness, sweet aroma, and brightly-lit rooms, directly influence a person’s perception of a well cared for home. The same is true at church, but with one additional factor—the people factor. Everything can be in place, but if people inside the doors are not expectantly waiting and prepared for guests, little else matters!

That’s why a welcoming process is needed in areas where guests arrive. Friendly, warm, caring voices, smiles, gestures, and questions go a long way to help guests feel comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings. The following are just few questions guests experience:

  1. Where do I park?
  2. What door do I enter?
  3. Where is the nursery?
  4. How do I find a class?
  5. Can I try several classes without offending anyone?
  6. How do I join a class?
  7. Are the people of this congregation a caring people?
  8. Will I be accepted and included?
  9. What does this church believe?
  10. What does this church offer my family?
  11. Does this church have a place to use my gifts?

Put yourself in the shoes of guests. What other concerns do they have? This would be a great brainstorming exercise for the congregation’s outreach and greeting team!

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The remedy for meeting the initial needs of guests require the following components:

  1. Clear exterior and interior directional signs.
  2. A well-staffed Welcome Center registration process.
  3. Resources explaining the beliefs and ministries of the church.
  4. A modern equipped, clean, and loving nursery and children’s environment.
  5. Sunday School teachers who arrive early and are prepared for guests.
  6. Church members who speak to strangers (and church members) they do not know.

Ya’ll come back, now…

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About mcanaday

Marty Canaday is Minister of Christian Formation at Derbyshire Baptist Church in Richmond, VA
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3 Responses to Welcoming the Stranger

  1. There was many an occasion, when we were “church shopping”, that my family—all four of us—would find ourselves standing in some church foyer dressed in our Sunday best being totally ignored by the members. Showing up early, sitting in the pew waiting for the service to begin, almost ensured that we’d be pretty much left alone during most visits. I understand we’re not the loveliest looking group of people, but really. It’s not like we sport tattoos or show up un-groomed and un-bathed.

    My favorite story is about entering the sanctuary at the front at one church, following the flow of traffic from the Sunday school that had just let out. We walked up the aisle and three times were told that the pew we tried to slide onto was “taken.” We continued toward the back of the sanctuary, not finding a seat, walked out into the foyer (at which time I paused to consider just walking on out the front door) swung around toward the aisle at the other side of the room and finally managed to find a pew for the four of use after only one rejection. Other than the obligatory, and perfunctory, greeting from the pastor at the exit, no one acknowledged our presence—much less extend a welcome.

  2. Linda says:

    If there is good news for you, things are not much different up in New England. People keep their distance and it makes for quite a challenge in welcoming guests to the church. In my research, I have found a great resource with The United Methodist Church. It even provides a walk-through assessment, similar to the questions that you state in your posting. It also has a “mystery shopper” questionnaire. They suggest find a friend or colleague who will be willing to be the mystery church shopper and answering specific questions about their experience.

    Here is the link to the 153 page pdf file. http://www.ignitingministry.org/pdfs/IM_Handbook.pdf
    If the link does not work, it is called “Welcoming and Media Planner”.

    I don’t know if it will work but try and see. I have introduced it to our communications committee and senior minister about the possibility of doing something like this for our church – at least the assessment and mystery shopper piece.

    Coincidentally, this weekend’s lectionary scripture is about hospitality and welcoming everyone to the table. Our senior minister is on vacation so guess who gets to give the message? Marty, may I reference your posting?

  3. Marty Canaday says:

    Thanks for the info on the Welcoming an Media handbook, Linda. I’ll check it out. It may be a useful piece for our Outreach and Assimilation Team to consider. Feel free to reference my posting. Speaking of hospitality, our GRACE group will be reading and discussing Elizabeth Newman’s recent book, Untamed Hospitality: Welcoming God and Other Strangers. You may want to take a look at it. Beth Newman is Professor of Theology and Ethics at the Baptist Theological Seminary at Richmond. She has an interesting view on hospitality that is much deeper than the usual understanding of hospitality as an issue of friendliness and inclusivity. I’ve just begun the read so I can’t say much beyond that at this point. I’m finding it interesting and challenging.

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