I just learned that my friend Susannah Smith will soon have her website blog up and running. I’m looking forward to her blog. Currently she sends out a monthly reflection via email titled “Inspirited Leadership: A monthly reflection for religious/spiritual leaders.” I find her reflections consistently insightful. Here is her August reflection titled “The Skunk at the Garden Party.”
If there is one role I really don’t like to assume as a leader, it’s being the “skunk at the garden party”. It just stinks to be the only person who doesn’t go along with the way everyone else wants to head. Instead of affirmation, I get criticism; instead of pleasing people, I offend them and give them pause to wonder why they ever chose me as their leader in the first place. And in a congregational setting where the unspoken norms of the group are primarily about togetherness, my “skunkiness” makes me feel isolated and way out on a limb.
So what would compel a religious leader like you and me to be the “skunk at the garden party”? Isn’t it better to go along with the consensus of the group, making few waves and preserving the peace? Well, I’ve done that more times than I like to admit and found that the price for that kind of decision-making is very high. Not only does my integrity go into a major slump, but my sense of purpose about what I am called to do and be in my ministry takes a nose dive into murky confusion. And all for very little progress!. Have you found this to be true for you, too?
As difficult as it is to take stands that aren’t very popular or even desirous, especially with our most valued followers and other leaders, these lonely positions are sometimes necessary and a part of what it means to be an inspirited leader. Think about how Martin Luther King, Jr., in the last year of his life, spoke against the Vietnam War, even though his most trusted advisors were not in favor of widening the civil rights struggle into this arena of action. Consider Jesus as he ate with sinners and defied the religious norms of his day.
Since I’m way behind MLK, Jr. and Jesus in the courage department, here are some questions I call “backbone stiffeners” that help a leader to discern and perservere when the rubber meets the road. Does my stand relate to my values and goals? Can I imagine the outcome if I hold steady against opposition? What questions can I ask to help others think through this situation? How will my stand affect my leadership of this group in the long run? How will it affect the growth of those I lead and my own growth?
Being “the skunk at the garden party” is not fun, but who knows? That smelly skunk may become the hit of the party!
Copyright © 2008, Susanna Smith. Used with permission. Susanna Smith works with religious/spiritual leaders who want to lead more effectively and with more enjoyment. For information on individual coaching, workshops, and retreats contact her at sr-smith@mindspring.com
