Preparation for Christmas means anticipation, which is, of course, the spirit of Advent. Right around this time I start to get all sorts of kitsch e-mails about Christmas. You know them, you probably see them every year: animated “Christmas cards” with music, Santa jokes, lists of fractured Christmas hymns titles, etc. Sometimes there’s so much of it that at one point my response is ho-hum and bah-humbug. But it’s early in the season and they’re just starting to come in. My sister sent me this version of “fractured hymn titles,” and it gave me a chuckle. We haven’t got enough blog entries under the “humor” category, and that’s a shame. So, here, in jolly anticipation, are “Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged”:
1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Queens Disoriented Are
3. Amnesia — I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and  Fire Hydrants
6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Full Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll tell You Why
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder —Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells …
10. Agoraphobia — I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t leave My House
11. Senile Dementia — Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe
12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder — I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House.
Blessed Advent!
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