Leaders often get caught by surprise by reactivity. That’s no surprise given that reactivity often feels like a dose of intense raw emotion. That kind of energy goes right to the amygdala triggering reactivity on the part of the recipient that results in a “fight or flight” impulse. A sudden assault of intense reactivity can turn off our brain, leaving us with an inability to tap into the resource of cognition—thinking through the problem
An important skill, therefore, is to learn to recognize reactivity for what it is. The ability to distinguish between reactivity and passion, for example, can help us know how to respond to a person in the grips of emoting. It can be helpful to remember four basic characteristics of reactivity:
- It is not rational
- It is fueled by acute anxiety
- It is a response of the non-differentiated
- It is usually displaced.
Reactivity is not rational. Since reactivity is a non-thinking state of being leaders appreciate that trying to “reason” with a reactive person is a waste of time. Setting the emotional tone through self-regulation is a more helpful strategy that trying to compose an eloquent argument.
Reactivity is the product of acute anxiety. Acute anxiety is intense but situational and momentary. Leaders appreciate that a reactive response during a time of acute anxiety is episodic and has a short lifespan. Therefore, sometimes just getting past the moment in a non-reactive posture often facilitates better functioning for all.
Reactivity is the result of a lack of differentiation. Differentiation is not a state of being, it is, rather, a way of functioning in the moment. Reactivity is a sure sign that someone is not functioning in a self-differentiated manner. Therefore, a leader who can avoid feeding off of the reactivity and function in a self-differentiated manner in-the-moment becomes a resource to the system, if not to the person in the grips of reactivity.
Reactivity typically is misdirected at the wrong object. Because leaders occupy the position of greatest responsibility in the system they often are the focus of misdirected and misplaced reactivity. Leaders who have the capacity to know that “This is not about me” can avoid taking it personally or making the expressions, messages, and behaviors of reactivity a personal issue.
