Do not judge

At a recent conference I experienced that situation where an audience member asks a question, you do the best you can to respond on your feet in-the-moment, only to later, after the event is over, come up with a really good response. It’s that moment when you say to yourself, “Darn! I wish I’d said that then.”

There seems to have been an issue with this particular group of folks related to judging. A previous speaker was challenged on a comment by someone in that audience who said, “It sounds like you’re judging.” Which was a similar response from an audience member to a comment I’d made.

My first response to the audience member was to say, “Sounds like you have a problem with judging. Tell me more.” The fact that the audience chuckled was a clue to me that indeed, this crowd seemed to have an issue with “judging.”

What I wish I’d said then is: there’s a difference between being judgmental and exercising good judgment. Being judgmental is a myopic and prejudicial attitude that inhibits dialogue, insight, and does not allow for a self-differentiated position. But I don’t know how a leader can be effective without practicing good judgment. It is, perhaps, what we refer to in the religious language as “discernment.” A good leader is constantly needing to make a judgment between one thing or another, and, sometimes, between one person and another (like when you need to make a new hire and you have to judge the best qualified among a dozen applicants. And we rarely make a hire based on the ‘most qualified,’ rather, on the basis of the best fit). The leader in any systems is required to practice judgment—choosing based on clarity of one’s rationale. Lacking the capacity to practice good judgment one is left victim to uncertainty, whims, and predilections.

Practicing good judgment requires clarity about one’s values, beliefs, and a commitment to the informing principles that guide us. Those are the same things we say are necessary to practice self-definition and self-differentiation.

I’m not sure about the source of the inspeak about “judging is bad” in that group. But it seems to me that it may be a case of misunderstanding and fuzzy thinking. That often happens when dealing with terms with common roots, like “judgment” and “Judgmental.” The problem with misunderstanding, and the reason it’s important to provide a corrective, is that misunderstanding leads to misapplication.