Taking stock

The new job has taken me out of the loop of what used to be a steady study of Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST). I’ve missed being regularly engaged in study and discussions about the theory and its application with others who are working on the theory. I continue to do coaching and consultations that keep me in those conversations, but the regular study has taken a hiatus. But that has not been a bad thing. Distance can bring perspective. Being away from the routine has allowed me to take stock of my views on BFST.

Here are some random insights and thoughts that have come from taking stock:

• The theory continues to be a powerful resource for interpreting and understanding emotional process.
• Understanding emotional process provides a helpful corrective to an overfocus on individual behaviors.
• Despite the recent glut in books about the theory there are few new insights that I can discern. I’m waiting for the “next big thing” in the theory, but perhaps there is none to be found.
• No matter how well you understanding the theory, when you’re in the midst of your own emotional fields and systems, you need a coach or consultant to help you see what’s going on.
• No matter how well you understand the concepts of the theory, it always comes down to your own emotional functioning in the system.
• Family of origin dynamics are powerful lifelong forces and are more important than we tend to realize.
• Family of origin emotional functioning is with us for a lifetime.
• Most of us seem unaware of the disconnect between what we say we believe and how we actually function.
• If you want to understand what’s really going on try to identify the triangles in the system.
• If you really want to understand what’s going on examine multigenerational transmission.
• We can only function out of our strengths and limitations. When we are under stress or experiencing acute anxiety the default functioning tends to be out of our limitations.
• I continue to find it more helpful to focus on people’s functioning than to spend time wondering about, ascribing, or trying to interpret their motives.
• There is great benefit in re-visiting the “original manuscripts” of the theory. While their clinical therapy focus is somewhat removed from how most of us tend to apply the theory (to congregational systems and to “leadership”), the literature provides important correctives for clergy who tend toward the metaphorical.
• Ultimately the real task of working on the theory is our own personal maturity, emotional health, and capacity to be in relationships in healthier ways.