I received an interesting question about Bowen’s concept of self-differentiation. The question, an imaginative one, was “what if” some day scientists discovered a “differentiation gene.” It was fun to ponder, but, genes don’t work that way. More to the point, however, differentiation is a product of relationships in a system, the evidence of which is how one functions. If we were to go down the gene therapy route, or more specifically, the biological engineering route related to BFST, then a more likely focus would be how to lower anxiety. And we already have medication for that.
Differentiation is about functioning. Bowen’s Scale of Differentiation posits that one characteristic of the highly self-differentiated person is the capacity to separate thinking from feeling, and, their ability to manage the togetherness-separateness reciprocity in personal and systemic relationships. As I observe leaders who function at their best I identify the following characteristics:
- Balance is manifested in one’s life: work and play, family and relationships, responsibility and self-care
- Clear enough about goals so as to not be sabatoged easily
- Clear enough about values so as to not second guess one’s own decisions
- Clear enough about principles so as to maintain purpose and agency (self-determinate)
- Can be adaptive enough to change patterns of functioning, especially those that tend to lead toward problems or stuckness
- Can stay connected to with all parts of the system and does so proactively
- Can maintain boundaries in work (does not overfuntion) and relationships (does not own other people’s feelings)
- Can receive challenges as opportunities and not problems, in fact, they are energized by a challenge which brings out imagination and creativity
- Can challenge and hold others accountable without assigning blame, denigrating them, or being punative
- Can avoid personalizing reactivity from others (does not take it personal and does not make it personal)
- Can take responsibility for one’s position or job and not for outcomes or for the ultimately fate of the organization
- Can seek the cooperation of others without requiring loyalty or personal support
- Can seek the welfare of the system above the happiness or predilections of individuals without feeling guilty.
What other characteristics do you observe in the well-differentiated leader?
