How to learn BFST

I received an e-mail from a friend who has been studying Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST) for the past few years. He has been reading the literature, asking good questions, and at one point sought out a therapist to serve as a “systems coach.” In his email he expressed desire to continue studying, and his question hinted that he’s hit a plateau in his learning—not uncommon in any learning enterprise.

He asked, “I was wondering if you could recommend any other ways of better learning the Bowen theory, short of doing an actual training program. In the future I’d like to go to D.C. to do their program, but I’m not able to at the present time.”

I didn’t have any new ideas for my friend. It seemed to me that he was doing the work that was necessary. There is no magic bullet here other than persistence. Ultimately, being a student of BFST is not about knowing more. It’s not about mastery of concepts (although that is important) and it’s not about acquiring more knowledge (although that’s always a helpful thing). Ultimately, it’s about working on our personal growth in order to bring about change in our emotional growth. That’s a different kind of learning and it requires a different epistemology.

There are certain things one can do to learn more and grow in self. Together they work if we commit to doing these things on an on-going basis, though there is no one magic bullet. Here are the things that work:

Reading and studying the literature. Understanding the concepts and principles of the theory is important. At the very least it helps us avoid misunderstanding. The more we read the more we move from naïve to sophisticated understanding. I’ve found that it is helpful to read both popular and academic sources, theoretical and practical, and clinical and interpretive. Reading the literature is not so much about learning the answers as much as it is about learning to ask the better questions.

Working on your genogram . I am convinced that there is no better “lab” for learning the theory than our own families. That’s because to really “get” emotional process we must experience it, and that’s what our families allow. If you really want to understand the theory, then work on your genogram If you really want to change your emotional functioning, then work on your relationships in your family of origin.

Working with a coach or a coaching group. Working with a coach or coaching group provides the resource of perspective. No matter how learned we are in the theory, it remains difficult to see emotional process within ourselves and within the systems we are a part of. Coaches help provide perspective, interpretation, reminders, and challenge. This practice is an indispensable resource to learning, and living, the theory.

Attend the occasional workshop or seminar. Hearing how other people apply or interpret the theory is always enlightening. For those who find reading a challenge because of their learning style, listening to others unpack the theory can be a very helpful pathway to understanding. Even listening to a taped audio or video presentation can help.

Write about it. One of the most helpful pathways to insight is writing. Writing can pull together hunches, fuzzy thoughts, inklings, and muddled ideas into a coherent thought. Whether it’s writing about an idea or concept, or, writing about one’s experience, putting pencil to paper (or, tapping it out on the computer keyboard) helps sharpen our thinking and often teases out an insight.

There is no magic bullet or shortcut for the things that have the most potential to bring about fundamental and long-term change. It’s a matter of persistence, hard work, and intentionality.