I was intrigued by overhearing a common phrase last week. Overheard several times was the phrase, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do that.\u201d It\u2019s a common enough phrase (anyone who has ever had a three or four year old around the house has heard a variation of that uttered hundreds of times). What intrigued me was that while the content was the same, the context and source related to where and who uttered that phrase made a world of difference. It was a good example of the importance of focusing on process and not content. <\/p>\n
When a four-year-old utters \u201cI don\u2019t want to do that,\u201d it often is willful petulance. When an adult, whose birth order is that of youngest sibling, utters a hardheaded, resistant, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do that,\u201d it may be an example of someone caught up in unthinking reactivity and reverting back to their birth order repertoire. This adult will refuse to do something \u201cjust because\u201d regardless of whether or not they logically understand that they should. <\/p>\n
Finally, uttering \u201cI don\u2019t want to do that\u201d may be an expression of self-definition that flows out of one\u2019s capacity to self-differentiation. When an Enneagram 2 (\u201cThe Helper\u201d) can say to another in a non-reactive way, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do that\u201d it\u2019s usually a pretty healthy sign. Helpers tend to lack the capacity to say \u201cNo\u201d to requests, even those that inappropriate, invasive, or inconvenient. Or, when an Enneagram 1 (\u201cThe Perfectionist\u201d) or the over-responsible first born can get past a crushing sense of obligation and say, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do that\u201d in a non-reactive way it\u2019s probably a sign of growth. <\/p>\n
I was intrigued by overhearing a common phrase last week. Overheard several times was the phrase, \u201cI don\u2019t want to do that.\u201d It\u2019s a common enough phrase (anyone who has ever had a three or four year old around the … Continue reading 
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