2. Structure your working relationships around triangles.<\/strong> When dealing with persons in the system maintain a triangulated pattern of relationship by always asking and talking about their family or an issue. This will serve to dissipate anxiety by focusing on things other than your direct relationship with persons. People will feel better knowing they will never be called upon to make \u201cI\u201d statements or have to deal with your position on issues.<\/p>\n 3. Build cohesiveness in the system by focusing on the \u201cothers out there.<\/strong>\u201d If you focus on \u201cthem\u201d you can avoid making persons in your system feel like failures because you\u2019ll never require that they take responsibility for themselves. If something goes wrong, blame \u201cthem.\u201d If goals aren\u2019t met, blame \u201cthem.\u201d In fact, you can squash any ambitious idea and avoid potential failure by declaring that \u201cthey\u201d will cause the plan to fail. <\/p>\n 4. Take responsibility for people\u2019s functioning and for their feelings.<\/strong> There is nothing that will make you a more popular leader than doing this. Take the blame or allow excuses for the underfunctioners and incompetent in the system. After all, \u201cthe buck\u201d stops with you, right? Effective leaders will only take responsibility for their own functioning and their own position in the system, but they forget that everyone loves a leader who \u201cfeels your pain.\u201d<\/p>\n 5. Finally, popular leaders will work hard at creating a sense of \u201cfamily\u201d <\/strong>or oneness in the system by getting everyone to think alike, value the same things, share the same opinions and behave the same. Effective leaders always work at fostering personal responsibility and discouraging \u201cgroup think\u201d or \u201cherding.\u201d But that only leads to problems\u2014it\u2019s a whole lot easier to lead a herd of cattle than to deal with a system full of mature, self-directed, differentiated individuals who have the capacity to express their own ideas and opinions. <\/p>\n Sometimes leaders need to decide whether they want to be liked or whether they want to be effective. Being a likeable leader isn\u2019t too difficult, and everyone likes a \u201cnice guy.\u201d Being an effective leader is never easy. But effective leaders are clear about what constitutes true leadership and they have accepted that there\u2019s often a price to pay when one answers that calling. <\/p>\n Every once in a while I need to challenge someone by asking, \u201cDo you want to be liked or do you want to be effective?\u201d In one sense it\u2019s a false choice, but in another sense, leaders often will have … Continue reading 
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