You might be an educator if…

It’s back-to-school time! Teachers and educators across the land are in the process of setting up classrooms, reviewing class rolls, brushing up on curriculum, participating in in-service seminars, and stocking up on school supplies. Refreshed from the summer break they are setting their hopeful faces toward the promises of a new year with a fresh start.

I’m not much of a bumper sticker theologian, but I do like the one that proclaims, “If you can read this, thank a teacher.” So, for all the teachers we dedicate the following: You might be an educator if . . .

• You believe the staff break room should be equipped with a valium salt lick.
• You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 8:00 a.m. to 3:20 p.m. and have your summers free.”
• You can tell if it is a full moon without ever looking outside.
• You believe “shallow gene pool” should have its own box on the report card.
• When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at a child you do not know and correct his or her behavior.
• Marking all A’s on a report card would make your life SO much easier.
• When you mention “vegetables” you are not talking about a food group.
• You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
• You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
• You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
• You have no problem encouraging certain parents to check into charter schools or home schooling.
• You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in a middle school setting for at least five years.
• You’ve ever had your profession slammed by someone who would never DREAM of doing your job.
• You can’t have children because there’s no name you could give a child that wouldn’t bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
• Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.
• Meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question, “Why is this kid like this?”

Thank you to all the good and dedicated teachers out there! May this year be the best ever!

Creepy art for today