Reasons for not attending church

I met up with some old friends recently, who’d brought along some of their friends I appreciated meeting. It didn’t take long to get to that awkward point in the conversation that follows the “What do you do for a living?” Well, maybe not awkward for most jobs, but typically for the ones I’ve held (funeral home manager, local church clergy, and now seminary professor). At least people clean up their language.

At one point one of my new acquaintances asked why I still got to church. I gave her my reasons. Then, she gave me her reasons for not going to church. I didn’t find her rationale pass much for reasons, more like excuses, really. They reminded me of the list a pastor came up with after getting fed up with the excuses parishioners offered as to why they didn’t attend worship services. He countered with “Ten Reasons Why I Never Wash” in the Sunday bulletin:

1. I was forced to as a child.
2. People who wash are hypocrites – they think they are cleaner than everybody else.
3. There are so many different kinds of soap, I can’t decide which one is best.
4. I used to wash, but I got bored and stopped.
5. I wash only on special occasions, like Christmas and Easter.
6. None of my friends wash.
7. I’ll start washing when I get older and dirtier.
8. I can’t spare the time.
9. The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.
10. People who make soap are only after your money.
11. I watch other people washing on TV.
12. There are lots of clean people who never wash.
13. We’ve just moved here six years ago and haven’t had a chance.
14. I bought a bad bar of soap once, so I swore I would never wash again!
15. I feel as close to washing on the golf course as I do in the bathroom.
16. I never wash when I have company.
17. Washday is the only day I have to sleep in.
18. My wife washes enough for the whole family
19. I know people who wash but don’t act very clean.
20. Washing is the opiate of the masses.